Two Madmen and a Listener
by TunelessLyric
Summary: The Dovahkiin and Cicero meet up with Sheogorath and have an entertaining meal. Completely random fun story that I just had to write. Of course Cicero and the Prince of Madness have to meet up sometime! Fake violence and some jokes including violence, lots of eating and innane chatter, that's all.


_They aren't going anywhere in particular, but Cicero and the Listener/Dovahkiin end up having fun with the Daedric Prince of Madness. How would that go? Read on..._

_Bethesda designed, built and sold the pond. I am only a fish in said pond._

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**Two Madmen and a Listener**

"Ahhh, so you've decided to join me then…?" The rich and lilting voice wrapped around the air.

I found myself wearing the raggedy old dressing gown and nightcap from Pelagius's mind-dream. The tufty end tickled my nose and I swept it aside impatiently.

"Oh ho ho ho ho, are we to have some fun?" cackled a familiar voice behind me. I twisted around to take in Cicero, dressed in night garb with the exception of his bell hat in the place of a cap.

"Two travelers come to join me at my table, is it?" the first voice continued, slightly bemused.

I raised the Wabbajack I'd received from the daedra sitting across the stone table. "Greetings Sheogorath. It's been too long by my perspective of time since last we met. Our last meeting was also somewhat strained as I recall," I said. I kept a reverent note in my voice. "So. Are we to dine with the Mad Prince?"

"A seat remains for two more yet. What say you, Oh Fool?" The older-looking man turned to my companion, acknowledging my words with a nod.

"Cicero would welcome a chance to accompany the two of you this meal," my friend giggled.

"And so you shall. Sit," Sheogorath invited. "now the Daedra sups with Nord and Dovahkiin. What better company than two madmen and one so near the edge?"

I sat across and slightly to the side of our host, and Cicero silently to the seat to my right, so the Prince could engage either of us with ease.

"How has your return treated you, Sheogorath?" I asked politely.

"Mortals are too much fun to work with. My brothers and sisters sometimes forget that. But you know all about them, do you not?" he replied.

"Listener, do you meet many daedra?" Cicero looked amused.

"None so agreeable as our host," I said aside to the assassin. "I have worked with many proud and arrogant siblings. Some are, of course, kind and take an interest in mortals. You have been acquainted with several with me." A thought struck me. "You also have come to know His Madness, I don't doubt."

Cicero and Sheogorath exchanged a chuckle at my final words. "To say we know one another…" Cicero answered evasively.

"It would be nearer the truth to say we have spoken at length. I may know the ear I whisper into only as much as it knows my voice," the Prince corrected.

"One doesn't become mad without a relationship to Sheogorath," I pointed out. I took a swig of liquid from my mug. I was surprised to find it was full of Alto wine.

"Too true, Listener." I was taken aback at the Daedra's use of my Brotherhood name with a note of respect.

"If the Listener did not observe, it could not be said she Listens!" Cicero howled with laughter at his quip.

"I would be a poor Dragonborn if I didn't take higher powers seriously."

Sheogorath raised a lazy eyebrow. "Many, given your chance, would do away with their superiors and grind their inferiors to dust. I must say I am impressed by you."

"And I, you," I replied, taking some horker steak. "And he says to the man –"

"' – That's not a horker, that's my wife!" Cicero finished in a high-pitched mock.

Sheogorath laughed into his own tankard.

"Ho ho ho, hee hee hee/ Break that lute across me knee/ And if the bard should choose to fight/ Why then I'll set his clothes alight!" The Jester and I recited together, having long since traded our best punch lines and worked out our story of two traveling fools as cover for the Keeper and Listener.

Cicero bowed his head to the Prince, took my hand and we stood together. "If you please…?"

I felt Sheogorath's eyes pin on us as we bowed deeply to each other. Cicero accepted my second hand and we began our helpless dancers routine: smashing elbows, bumping foreheads and stepping on toes. We bounced around to the quick beat provided by the Daedra. When I thought my sides would split from suppressed mirth, I winked at Cicero – feigning pain – and dipped the Keeper over my arm and dropped him on his head. He somersaulted under the table to hide for a heartbeat as I bowed to Sheogorath. Cicero climbed my legs and straightened his hat.

"Careful, Listener," he hissed loud enough for the Daedra to hear. "I might not take kindly to being thrown about."

I widened my eyes in mock terror and let my jaw flop open. Cicero stepped threateningly nearer. I ran under the table to hide my grin and slid back up beside Sheogorath, reading interest in his slightly off-kilter eyes. Cicero leaped onto the table as I swept an apple pie to the side for him to land. I hopped the armrests of the old, rough hewn chairs and settled lightly in the Prince's lap with a calculated squeal.

"I might slide my knife into your belly!"

Sensing my tolerated presence was about to be revoked, I vaulted easily onto the tabletop, narrowly missing treading in a pile of slaughterfish, of all things.

I armed myself with a spoon. "Perhaps Cicero will notice the weapon poor, defenseless Listener wields while he holds only his tongue. Then perhaps he _will_ hold his tongue!" I barely managed to get to the joke before collapsing into giggles. I made a few experimental jabs with my wooden utensil while the Keeper plucked a handled basket and large platter from the makeshift stage. The basket was perched on his hat while he ducked behind the platter.

I tossed him my spoon, replacing it with a soup ladle with a longer reach. We crossed eating implements and did bloody battle. The two of us traded mock blows, me hopping on my "remaining" leg, him dropping his shield and losing use of an arm. Our duel ended when we plunged our spoons into one another's armpits.

"And so our hunger for hurt…" I began.

"Has truly hurt our chance of ending our hunger," finished Cicero, manic grin twitching up his lips.

We tumbled from the table in a synchronization borne from the repetition of our skit. I rolled to a stop facedown, shoulders shaking in silent laughter.

Sheogorath was on his feet, applauding our performance. "Now we shall eat. Well done both of you, I am thoroughly amused. You show an adept concept of humanity and must be hungry now."

I rose from the ground, bowing to the Daedra and my comedic partner a final time before retaking my seat. "I have truly learned from the best," I said as I scooped steamed beans and grilled leeks onto my plate. "The Keeper taught me his favourite skits and songs. How to control the audience, use that knowledge to choose routines and push until moments from breaking point for full affect. Hide in plain sight, tread silently and remain undetected."

"And in return, the Listener has brought Cicero on many exciting adventures. She is too good to me." He heaped lamb roast onto his plate before passing the platter to me.

"I must say, this looks wonderful!" I enthused.

"I am glad to hear it. Now, let us all shift an inhabited seat to our left," Sheogorath answered.

I scooted under the table to take the chair recently vacated by the Prince while he climbed over it to Cicero's spot as the Keeper stood and stepped into my old seat.

"Oh Listener, you know how Cicero loves my leeks!"

I stared appreciatively at the pile of salmon steaks and potatoes Sheogorath prepared for me. "Well, thank you very much, I am astounded by your food choice – salmon is my favourite."

The Daedra nodded once, not removing his eyes from the beef and vegetable stew accompanying his lamb.

I took up my fork and waited for the Prince to begin before shoveling my food away. It was the most flavourful fish I'd ever had.

"Did you hear the one about my grandmother?" Cicero cackled.

Sheogorath assured us he had not.

"Well, she began walking a league a day last year," the Fool baited. "To improve her health."

"And did it help?" Sheogorath fell for the trap.

I snorted, taking up the tale. "Don't ask him, she's walked over 300 leagues, she's crossed most of Tamriel. You think his sees her anymore?"

Cicero pounded the table and screamed with laughter while I buried my face to smother my earsplitting howls.

"Oh, _Listener_!" Cicero yelled in mock scandalized tones.

I chewed thoughtfully on my potatoes after regaining composure. "'Pay no attention to our follies, we cannot help ourselves.'"

"'If you think you will make us stop, we may have to slit a hole in your side,'" Sheogorath added.

"And you will not like that a bit, and stab your wives in the back,'" Cicero went on.

"'While we may find this humorous, you'll not have control over yourself, alack!'" Cicero and I finished the verse in unison.

"On that note, time for dessert, I think." At the Daedra's words, the table was flooded with sweets.

I place a honeycomb and sweet roll in the centre of my now-empty plate. Cicero and Sheogorath filled theirs with an assortment of other treats. "One more place left, if you please," the Mad Prince intoned.

I crawled over the table, Cicero dove under it and the Daedra slid into my first seat. We exclaimed once again how the previous occupier had chosen favoured foods.

I made a large mess with my boiled crème treats before enjoying a slice of cake. Cicero ended up with glazing all over his fingers and went to work licking all traces away.

Sheogorath bumped my elbow and I looked around to find him smiling faintly. My eyevrows twitched into a frown as he nodded sideways to my partner. The Fool was watching me carefully.

"You're mad," I said redundantly to them both.

"Why not join us?" Cicero asked.

"Why not indeed," Sheogorath put in.

I hummed for a moment, trying to work out what that meant. "Who's to say I haven't already?"

"That's the spirit," beamed the Daedra. "One last change…?"

Cicero scrambled over the table as I swept into my original seat. "Being mad is too much fun," the Keeper said conspiratorially.

"Too true!" I crowed.

"Time for you to continue on your way," Sheogorath put in quietly.

I stood and bowed gratefully to the Daedra. "Thank you very much for sharing your table with us tonight. Farewell, Prince."

A mist crept in around Cicero and I. When it cleared, we were standing alone on the darkening road to Solitude.

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_For those of you who care, I am currently not feeling the motivation necessary to update Taints. Sorry for now. It'll happen someday soon I hope._

_Everyone else: why not leave a review as you've taken the time to read? :)_


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